• 
  
• Welcome and overview
  
• Backroom Staff
  
• When to use the backroom staff
  
• Guidelines
  
• Etiquette
  
• Signatures
  
• Avatars
  
• Board Rules
  
• Prohibited Content
  
• Careful what you link to
  
• Off limit topics
  
• Your responsibilities
  
• Warning system
  
• Complaints
  
• Our responsibilities
  

• 
  
• Topics regarding Liam Miller or with even the slightest mention of him must be avoided at all costs.
  
• If posting constructive criticism of the board you are a moaner
  
• If posting constructive criticism of MON you are immediately remind by various posters that things were much worse 10 years ago.
  
• When any rumours about signing a player, someone should always mention "Can he play left back?"
  
• Any mention of Henrik Larsson must be followed by a crying smilie to signify how much we miss him.
  
• If you post regarding the boring football we play,someone will come on soon and mention Tommy Burns and lack of trophies.
  
• Momo Sylla must not slagged off, and if he is the poster will be rounded upon by the many fans of the Momo.
  
• Simply putting "Open Letter to MON / Quinn / DD" circumvents the need to think of an original title for a moan.
  
• Pre-match lineup predictions - On these threads the poster must always lay out a fantasy formation with the disclaimer "But of course Mon will never play the right player in the right position"
  
• Whenever Juninho is mentioned, "World Cup Winner" must also be written in the sentence or the following one at least.
  
• When someone posts a rumour regarding a potential signing who is for example from France and who is a striker the first two replies will be "MON will play him at Left Back" and "But he isn't from the EPL" and i laugh every time
  
• There should be at least two threads a day that discuss MON's tactics, these threads should begin with a 5 paragraph rant that relates how MON's tactics are related to everything that is wrong in the world, a la "See if MON just played a 3-5-2 that tsunami just wouldn't have claimed so many lives". The next ten posts on the subject will then alternate between people mentioning Tommy Burns' Total Football and no trophies and people pointing out that said point was already made.
  
• Whenever we mention signing a youngster from abroad, someone should always question whether or not we have a Scouting System
  
• Everyone must agree that Mrs. Hedman is the best looking players wife and there must be a thread permenently devoted to her...........
  

• 
  
• If anyone writes down Brian Quinn then the words "Biscuit Tin" must follow in either the sentence as well or in the accompanying next sentence.
  

• 
  
• If someone mentions the Daily Record, 1 or 2 members must remind them of the bhoycott.
  

• 
  
• Any poster covering a point that has already been mentioned in a thread hidden in the last pages of the forum should be hung, drawn quartered, and forced to watch the huns for the rest of there lives
  
• when someone posts exactly what they feel in a fit of rage the next reply must be "dont sit on the fence"
  
• The big topic of the day will always spawn at least 2 more copycat threads
  
• When posting drunk late night do not even make an effort to spell prpoerly or write words that make sense
  
• The same "your favourite player/film/quote/band/album/first match attended"
  thread must be regurgitated every 3 weeks.
  
• All quick witted replies must be all joined together and followed by CSC.
  
• All topics regarding 'that issue we don't like talk about' must be avoided like the plague. However, should anyone be deranged enough to broach the subject, it should be pounced upon with sharpened talons, slugged out like Ali v Foreman, and locked after an entrenched, polarised, anything-goes, apocalyptic, hostile, bloodied, entreched war of attrition.
  
• After a poster has vented their spleen, the next post will ask what they really think
  
• When posting a list of likeable objects, it must be part of a Top 10. There is no such thing as a Top 9 or a Top 11. Only if completely necessary should a Top 5 be used as this is viewed as the Top 10's poorer cousin.
  
• Links to F****w F****w must be posted hourly, and always with a "you'll need to wash after this....but" adjoiner.
  
• No-one should read any posts at all before launching into their hugely original "new thread"
  
• Posters who have different view points to your own, is fair game to being called names. Chose from the following:- Hun, Nazi, Ned, Bam, Wibbler, Ran*ers fan, ext ext…
  
• Whenever someone spends more than five minutes writing a thread that people may agree with, it is automatically branded as post of the month. Even if its the same month as the last one. Several people must point this out and use the :trophy: . Similarly, StefMcDef's posts are always post of the month, as this is all he ever does - he doesn't go in for the quick witted one liners.
  
• Somebody must post this on any thread longer than 1 page, "I can't be bothered to read through this thread, but here's what I think anyway......", and then repeat several points made in numerous previous posts, generally in a less informative and always more abusive fashion.
  
• The longest thread on the board will always be the "Introduce Yourself" thread. Any thread deemed to be in danger of becoming the longest thread will be immediately locked.
  
• Typing your thread title in capital letters makes your point more valid.
  
• Board rules and guidelines should be scanned, and not read.
  
• You should refresh the page constantly when you notice that the "most users online" record is under threat.
  
• To make up for non-graphic sigs, you should try to cram as many words in there as possible.
  
• When you've made 999 posts you have to think of a highly emotive subject to make a lengthy post about to mark your 1000th contribution.
  
• If you have nothing to say, but want a lot of people to read it, the heading of your post has to have a hook , example, "New defender signing to day at CP!". And you open said posting to get a line like this, "- - - - That's Crystal Palace BTW, not at Celtic Park. Some centre half from Crewe Alexandra." That is so really feckin' funny.
  
• The home stadium of Rangers must never actually be referred to in it's original form
  
• Peter Lovetodive must always be referred to as Lovemyself or Lovendiver. This superimposition of disparaging adjectives should be applied to every Rankers player wherever possible Klott, Moorederer, Amadiddy, Kizanishsndhysbswbvg, NoHope, Rshol, Artitty............
  
• Quoting the quote of a quote of a quote of a quote is likely to wee-wee someone off. But people do it anyway cos editing is either too much like hard work, or it takes away from the point they're making.
  
• Threads that cover anything more that 3 pages will be skipped by anyone who hasn't been keeping up as it goes on - except for those people that come in at the end of it and make the same point that was already made on page 2 (I do understand the irony of this one given this was already said, but I'm trying to extend it with the first bit)
  
• Posters should refer to their family by username ie Pedro Agathe Junior, Wee Boab, Mrs Stefmcdef, Daddy Psychoheart.
  
• When someone posts a link to a news article that isn't in English, the inevitable pigeon translation using an online translator will result in something ridiculous being lost in translation.
  
• Additional "h" 's wherever possible is vhery ghood, thank Ghod.
  
• Whenever mentioning Alex Rae (can I write his real name?) post the picture of The Hills Have Eyes.
  
• Regular posters who have been away from the board for a cold-turkey inducing period of, say, 24 hours or so will go on the rampage on their return with a succession of short posts on threads at the top of the board. Thus, after 20 minutes or so every entry in "newest post by" column will bear their name. The name you are most likely to see in this context is "Richie".
  
• Any mention of the Provisional IRA or Irish politics in general (or anything associated) results in a thread lock ...
  
• Controversial statements are underlined with the use of the phrase, "Can open, worms everywhere"
  
• There is to be a warm feeling of achievement if a topic posted by yourself reaches 5 pages or more. Especially if those pages have not been "boosted" by Psychoheart's insane desire to be the record poster with replies that are only the LOL or "Thumbs Up" emoticons.
  
• There is an unspoken of competition to produce the most entertaining and/or obscure signature and avater comment.
  
• What ever you do you must never, ever, never, ever mention the Secret Forum. - oh scheidt, I just did.
  
• "I won't be using this board anymore..." When anyone says that, about 10 people are obliged to say, "And don't let the door skelp your bottom on the way out".
  
• Boab 'FTP' Malcom must always have his middle name whenever mentioned
  
• when a games on setanta or sky the whats happening thread will always have a link to watch it on winamp, but will have folk moaning about how does it work, and this doesnt work.
  
• any thread that has been locked is a must read!
  
• Any thread on the Etims Rumour Mill must include at least one post complaining about the disgraceful way they refer to KTF.
  
• All threads relating to Edinburgh will include a reference to 'salt & sauce'.
  
• All lookie-likie threads will end up locked after descending into smuttiness
  
• Posters are generally known by their avatars. If they change their avatar then they accept a new personality.
  
• Atleast one thread from football rumours must be posted a week
  
• 137 - This type of thread should be stapled to this forum on a bi-annual basis. Transfer windows perhaps? The outpourings are as good a guide as any for our new members in getting to know the regulars personalities, and from now on should be instigated by a MOD and entitled Cathartic Thread.
  
• If you see a thread named "FAO username" and the username is not your own username, then you MUST read it. Once it has been replied to by the intended user, the thread is fair game.
  
• D. Murray must be referred to as one of the following, The Mint, The Dark Lord
  Orc Herder Supreme, Dodgy Dave, Debtmaster Supreme, Grand Master and Lord of all things perverse and Orc Like etc...... Never shall he be known on this board as David Murray!
  
• Around midnight, every Thursday night, will see a post declaring that the etims rumour mill is not up yet, followed by a succession of posts pointing out that etims was last updated after the previous weekends game. An actual link to the new rumour mill will appear around page three of this post.
  
• Any post enquiring after the first record bought / concert attended / football game attended etc. will be followed by 52,000 claims to have been at legendary concerts where records show only 350 people attended, or refer to a obscure cult records that peaked at 98 in the charts with sales of 15, etc.
  

• 
  
• Psychoheart must post in every single thread. Every single one.
  
• Caz and Nacho must always be in the chat room, no matter if its day or night.
  
• Celticsean's shirt should be mentioned in at least 10% of threads
  
• Daviebhoy must throw a wobbly on a weekly basis
  
• A reference to Yamsta's avatars' glasses should be made at every given opertunity
  
• Psycho will never say anything worth the post, except after being sick over fellow Kerrydalestreeters.
  
• Although we can get on each others breests at times, it is widely acknowledged that we are all fellow tims and therefore get on anyway. Except poor Nacho.
  
• All new entrants to the board who bother with the "Introduce Yourself" thread will be instantly - and I mean instantly - met by a post from Nacho containing more smileys than letters.
  
• asdfg is only likely to appear when scheidt can be stirred, and will then avoid posting anything that actual positively contributes to a thread. At least 20 people will point this out and therefore make any thread he posts in completely unreadable...
  
• Monday nights will inevitably have at least one post asking which Kerrydaler is on Scotsport SPL this week.
  
• Psychoheart will mention Psychoheart at least 4 times per thread.
  
• Once a week, Vil@-Re@l will appear and tell us what's happening in their game that week. As the season goes on, more and more people will take an interest in these threads as the links between Celtic and Villarreal grow. Or they thump Barcelona 3-0.
  
• SLP will always try to offer us Titus Bramble at any opportunity
  
• All Nacho's jokes will be followed by an explanation in brackets for those of us not quick witted enough to appreciate the comedy genius involved.
  
• Heaven help Scottbhoy07 if he makes a spelling mistake when Daviebhoy is around.
  
• If there is a night out suggested, Celticsean will be the instigator.
  
• Sean O Finn must have a gary Coleman avatar ( get it back! )
  
• Fitzpas must have a bald man in his avatar
  
• Members who wait on someone to reply to Nacho's topics before replying themselves ( mainly cause my initial message didnae make sense ) must change their wicked ways
  
• Fatboab's avatar will always feature Bruce Springsteen in some shape or form
  
• Whenever posting about the Forum Football team, Psychoheart must always be the last choice left back.
  
• Savio will fight for justice and truth against the huddleboard & robbie the duff
  
• In reply to Pedro Agathe's subtle humour, all respondents will mention the fact that they've humped his maw, thinking this to be endlessly funny.
  

• 
  
• it is unacceptable to eat a sleeping man's curry.
  

Quote:

 

In addition, any thread containing weak metaphorical references to Nazis (or Hitler) may be locked at the discretion of the mods.